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Ch 1 - The Dinner Ch 2 - Mickey Ch 3 - Elizabeth Ch 4 - The Poster Ch 5 - Self-Discovery Outing Ch 6 - Shawn’s Boyfriend Ch 7 - Taking The Step Ch 8 - My First Student Meeting Ch 9 - Don’t Trash Ch 10 Meditation & the Wreck Ch 11 In The Desert Ch 12 After The Desert Ch 13 The Ebell Theater Ch 14 So, You Want To Be A Teacher? Ch 15 The Visit Ch 16 The Golden Oldies Ch 17 The Correction Ch 18 The Gift Ch 19 Disneyland Ch 20 The Letter Ch 21 Starting Out Ch 22 First Night As A Teacher Ch 23 The Thank You Card Ch 24 Priorities Ch 25 Corrected Again Ch 26 Returning Home Ch 27 The Call Ch 28 On The Road To New York Ch 29 Christmas At Golden’s Bridge Ch 30 Jumpy Ch 31 The Initiation Ch 32 Time To Leave Ch 33 Keeping It Clean Ch 34 Looking Back Epilogue   Visit Shiva's web site   About Rama

Chapter 26 - Returning Home

Interstate 5 stretched out ahead of me like a double gray ribbon with gentle rolling hills on my left and the San Joaquin Valley on my right.  I was returning home after a three-day meditation seminar with Rama. 

For the last three days Rama had spent a great deal of time talking about how important it was to view everything unemotionally. 

"There is a clarity to perception when we can remove the distortions of emotions," he said.

As I drove along I wondered how that could be.  All my life I viewed everything through feelings.  My memories were not made of visual images.  They consisted of how things felt.  I remembered being four years old and in my mothers kitchen. I could feel songs and storybooks that were part of my life at the time and how they colored my perception.  I vividly remembered how the room seemed to be alive with feeling.  I had a variety of comforting emotional feelings as I watched my mother prepare a meal.  I recalled the pleasing smell of the cooking and how I felt.  I was in touch with the whole atmosphere of my life at that moment.  Every piece of furniture, the house, our car at the time, everything, was a feeling.  These recollections had far more depth than just a visual image.  All this was done through an intense, sensuous recollection of feelings that invoked emotions.

So how could I ever expect to experience life unemotionally?  I decided that I would never be able to, and just let it be.

I practiced stopping my thoughts for a few miles.  Then I fell into a mode of just driving.

North of Sacramento I looked out to the rolling hills and the beautiful mountains in the distance.  The sky was this incredible blue and everything seemed crystal clear.  In fact I was amazed at how clear everything was, including my thoughts.  I thought about my students and the meditation classes and outings I had planned.  It all seemed so clear as to which direction I should go and exactly how to handle some pretty ticklish situations.

Then it hit me!  I had spent this last ten minutes without any emotions!  So this is what it is like, I thought unemotionally.  I was more at ease, more at peace and definitely more in control of my mind.  I was amazed at how easy it was to stop my thoughts and keep them quiet. 

Rama had been right about this emotion thing.  Now that I had first-hand knowledge, it was pretty incredible.  I didn't understand how he did it, but the ability to remember, see and experience life from this unemotional level was something I could never have conceived of doing.  Now here I was doing it!  Pretty incredible!

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