Ch 1 - The Dinner
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Chapter
17 - The Correction
After studying with Rama for almost a year, I witnessed my spiritual community
go through a pretty rough time.
It seems that a large group of students were displaying some sloppy habits
and lacking spiritual etiquette. Rama
dealt severely not only with the etiquette problems but also with this
negative attitude and state of mind that just seemed to hang around. The atmosphere at the meditations was, at times,
very thick, fully of anger and distress. It was as if there were a power struggle going on between Rama and
some of his students.
On this particular evening everyone entered the meditation hall with some
trepidation. During the last
few meetings we had been treated to blistering dissertations on spiritual
etiquette. These severe corrections
were met with a mixture of anger and upset by the students. It was strange to witness all of this taking
place in the dissolving golden light of samadhi.
Strangely, I found these evenings to be some of the best meditations so
far. Since I did not identify
with the students who were being singled out for correction, I took
the energy in the room and transformed it by taking it in and moving
it up through my being. I found that it changed its quality as it moved
up through the various chakras. In
fact, the angrier everyone became, the higher I seemed to go into God.
Toward the end of this period, Rama entered and finally seemed to be in
a good space. Rama said that
he felt that maybe we had gotten the message.
He then reviewed all that had been presented during the previous
weeks. Everyone was very uptight
and yet I could sense that they were finally happy and ready to put
this period behind us. Rama
smiled and asked if there were any questions.
The room was very tense. Nobody
wanted to risk opening their mouths.
I felt somewhat relieved that the storm was now over. I wanted to lighten up things. I raised my hand.
"Yes?" he said as he looked at me.
"As a result of the past few weeks, are we still going to be able to get
our rings?" I ventured, referring to a possible gift he had offered
some weeks before.
There was a nervous laughter in the room.
"That is precisely the attitude I have been talking about!" he shouted
as he pointed his finger at me. "I
can't believe that after all that has come down, you have the audacity
to ask such a stupid question!"
His tirade continued for over fifteen minutes. I was exposed, laid out for all to see. My elitist, self-righteous attitude was openly exposed and I was
defenseless. My heart was broken. How could I have missed it? I refused to ego-justify myself. I had been caught and now it was time to face
the full force of Eternity. I
truly felt naked.
As he blasted me with a vengeance that I had not witnessed with anyone
else, I opened my heart as wide as I could to my Teacher. I knew that this was a correction that I needed.
I began to meditate as he continued to blast me.
Suddenly I was transported into a state of mind that was extraordinary. I was aware of the thoughts and emotions of
everyone in the room. Not just
the sum total of their thoughts, but each person's thoughts. I was shocked to find that many of the students felt that I was
being unfairly singled out. Some
were even angrier with Rama for what they perceived to be brutish tactics. I wanted to tell them to stop! They could not perceive what was going on with
me during this time. I rose
to even greater heights of awareness that transcended the room and felt
that I was approaching the awareness of Rama.
I was truly humbled and ashamed.
How could I take such a cavalier attitude toward Enlightenment? Soon I found myself returning to the awareness
of the room where Rama was still screaming at me. As I opened my eyes, he finally stopped and
said with a wiry smile, "There may be some hope for you yet."
I was grateful for this last statement.
I felt love for my Teacher
and for the correction. As the
students rose to leave for a break, I could still feel them and their
thoughts. Some looked at me with disgust, others with
sadness or pity. I could not
move. I was still in deep meditation. I was acutely aware of all that had transpired
and determined that I would immediately put into practice the various
changes that clearly had to take place. I was also aware that Rama had somehow given me an empowerment that
would make it possible to make the needed changes quickly.
All in all, I felt that this was one of the high points of my time with Rama.
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