The Fast Path - Shiva's experiences studying with Rama, Dr Frederick Lenz

Chapter 20 - The Letter

On Tuesday the letter arrived. I held it with my trembling hands. Curiosity and apprehension gripped me. This was the most important letter I had ever received. I excused myself from the family and went to my room and sat down in front of my meditation table. I took a deep breath before I opened the envelope.

During the past three months my spiritual community had been involved in a great transition. The result was turmoil that resulted in anxiety, resentment and even anger. Groups and individuals had misused their power and the resulting political atmosphere became thick and unhappy.

Rama had not approved of the way this transition was being handled and informed the students that he realized that he had too many students. He felt that he needed to look closely into each one of us and then he would decide who would benefit the most from actively studying with him. In this way those who needed some time to grow on their own, away from the energy of the spiritual community, would be forced out of the nest. Everyone would receive a letter either saying whether they could stay or must leave.

This was very serious. Anyone who was asked to leave could not return to the spiritual community or have any contact with the students for at least one year and maybe never!

I did not feel that I was in any great trouble in that I had always attended the events and tried not to be involved with the students who were focusing on Rama's personal life and the social atmosphere of the various student groups. I attended for one reason. I wanted Enlightenment. In fact, I rarely was able to attend any of the social functions such as group movies because of my circumstance of living so far away. I would drive seventy miles through Los Angeles traffic just to attend a meditation.

I really was focused on spiritual quest and just didn't care about who was dating whom and how much money so-and-so was making. I went because at every meditation I dissolved with my Teacher into golden light. My whole life had really become centered around meditating with Rama.

I held in my hands the letter on which my whole life now hinged. I took a deep breath and opened the letter.

My world stopped!

"Dear Tony,

You are no longer a part of the spiritual community..."

How could this be? The letter went on but my tears blurred it out.

My mind wandered and for a moment my ego flared. My emotions welled up much like they did when I was a child and had been wronged. How could this be? All I wanted was the Light! I was not interested in all the negativity that so many of the students seemed to thrive on. I was not upset or angry with anyone! I had really tried to keep it clean with my practice and with my inner association with Rama. How could this be? Rama is wrong! I did nothing! There must be some mistake!

I caught myself and stopped the indulging.

"Has the last year meant anything to me?" I asked myself. "Did I trust the insight and wisdom of Rama before the letter?" The answer was "Absolutely!"

Then, I reasoned, if Rama saw something deep inside that needed to be worked out, I guess I had better start figuring out ways to uncover it and correct it!

This didn't do much in easing my acute disappointment but at least I had my emotional body under control as I went out to the kitchen to give my brother the news.

Warren was not only my brother but a strong supporter of my spiritual endeavors. He had done anything he could to help me during my year with Rama. He seemed to have an understanding of the process and always seemed to do or say the right thing when it came time. As I broke the news to him, I could see the disappointment on his face.

The next morning Warren asked me, over breakfast, what I was going to do now that I was no longer a student. I said I really hadn't given it very much thought. Rama had outlined a recommended course of action we should take in the event of our dismissal. It involved taking a brief inventory of our life and trying to ascertain the direction that this incarnation was taking us. I decided to do this on my next day off.

"Good!" he said. "By the way, I am starting a meditation class at the church tonight and since you have studied Transcendental Meditation, Zen meditation and other forms of meditation, not to mention having just finished a year with an Enlightened Teacher, I thought that maybe you could teach it."

"Oh no!" I exclaimed. "I wouldn't presume to do that!"

"Fine. I understand. I will do it myself. Let me know if you change your mind," he said smiling as he walked out the door.

All day while working at the motor home factory, I thought about what he had said. I thought about the people who would be showing up to the meditation class. I knew I could never teach at the level of Rama. I was, however, more qualified to teach than my brother.

That afternoon I asked Warren if the offer was still good.

"But of course!" he exclaimed happily.

I spent the next couple of hours gathering up materials that I felt I would need in presenting the class. I showed up with charts and recommended books to read. I organized the music and had my lesson plan all laid out. I took a breath as the people started to fill the room.

The class went well until I asked everyone to sit up straight and we would meditate for a few moments.

I started the music and suddenly the world went away. I was caught up in a powerful meditation that, up until that time, I had only experienced with Rama! I simply went into God! I went deeper and deeper until there was no more me. I can't describe what happened then because it is impossible to connect or reference with anything in this reality.

At the end of the meditation I opened my eyes to a room full of people who were staring at me with their eyes bugged out and their mouths opened. Obviously, Rama had given me some sort of empowerment during my time with him! I was astonished!

Everyone was very enthused and wanted to attend more classes. I said I would talk it over with my brother. After all, it was his church.

The following Saturday I traveled to Keyes View in the Joshua Tree National Park. Keyes View was my second choice because Rama was going to be with his students at my favorite place of power in the Anza Borrego Desert.

I found a secluded spot out of view from the general public and sat on a nice rock. I had my tablet and centered myself. For a moment I indulged in a sense of longing to be with Rama, but I realized that this sort of self-indulgence was counterproductive.

I closed my eyes and once again became an impeccable student. I reviewed in my mind what Rama had said to do if we were ever asked to leave. I wished I had paid more attention. It just never occurred to me that I had anything to worry about. I supposed I felt that I would always be a student. Once again I had to stop indulging.

Then I started to follow his recommendations in reviewing my life. I proceeded to take stock of my inventory of resources, then attempted to determine the direction I needed go.

I reviewed my whole life from childhood to the present. I saw what life had presented to me in the way of my family and their profound influence on me. I examined the various occupations I had been involved in and what drew me to them. I reviewed my education, both formal and informal, and all of my love relationships from early childhood to the present. I recalled my spiritual pathway, the epiphanies and the growth I experienced.

As the sun began to set and the stars began to fill the sky, my whole life seemed to meld into a glorious quest. I saw at a deep level how there had been no wasted motion. A lifetime of religious involvement, sales experience, teaching, counseling and coaching. They all could be best used as a minister. It was perfect that I had been a minister in a New Age church that encouraged meditation.

I could even teach meditation as a class in my church!

I was both apprehensive and excited about the direction I was now headed. I did not fully understand why I had been asked to leave, but at least I did not allow my ego to justify itself and trash Rama or my fellow students.

I thought of Rama in the desert to the south of me and in my heart of hearts, I thanked him for the last year. I then rose, said good-bye to Keyes View and headed for my car and a whole new adventure.

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