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Ch 1 - The Dinner Ch 2 - Mickey Ch 3 - Elizabeth Ch 4 - The Poster Ch 5 - Self-Discovery Outing Ch 6 - Shawn’s Boyfriend Ch 7 - Taking The Step Ch 8 - My First Student Meeting Ch 9 - Don’t Trash Ch 10 Meditation & the Wreck Ch 11 In The Desert Ch 12 After The Desert Ch 13 The Ebell Theater Ch 14 So, You Want To Be A Teacher? Ch 15 The Visit Ch 16 The Golden Oldies Ch 17 The Correction Ch 18 The Gift Ch 19 Disneyland Ch 20 The Letter Ch 21 Starting Out Ch 22 First Night As A Teacher Ch 23 The Thank You Card Ch 24 Priorities Ch 25 Corrected Again Ch 26 Returning Home Ch 27 The Call Ch 28 On The Road To New York Ch 29 Christmas At Golden’s Bridge Ch 30 Jumpy Ch 31 The Initiation Ch 32 Time To Leave Ch 33 Keeping It Clean Ch 34 Looking Back Epilogue   Visit Shiva's web site   About Rama

Chapter 25 - Corrected Again

Interstate 5 is a long straight stretch of divided highway that goes for hundreds of miles through central California.  It was just the type of road I liked.  It gave me lots of time to sort things out and time to practice seeing how long I could stop my thoughts.  On this trip I was certainly sorting things out.

A couple of weeks back I had received notice of an up-coming mediation seminar in Los Angeles.  I had attended several meditations during the past few months.  In fact, I hadn't hardly missed one of Rama's public seminars after my year of exile.  This particular seminar couldn't have come at a better time. 

I thought about my situation back in Grants Pass.  For the past few months I seemed to have gotten off track.  It was a subtle change that had slowly became a huge problem. 

Over the months I had attracted various people to my meditation class.  Some of them practiced Kundalini Yoga, others practiced Siddha Yoga, and others followed the practices of Zen. 

Some of these students thought it would be a good idea to hold a preparatory yoga session right before my meditation. 

At first this worked out fine, but now people were showing up an hour and a half early to participate in Kundalini Yoga and then have a satsang with the Siddha group.  Many times I had to wait for the room to be cleared and set up before I was even able to enter.  In short, it was becoming a real mess.  Everything seemed out of control and I didn't really know what to do.

As I drove, I knew how Rama held his seminars;  I could not imagine him ever participating in the circus I was involved in.

The following evening I parked my car and was coming up the steps to the Design Center in Beverly Hills.  This was a beautiful building and the meeting rooms were wonderful! 

Rama met me just outside the door.

"How are you doing?" he asked.  I felt myself dissolving.

"I'm fine," I said shakily.  He turned and started walking inside with me.  I was withering under his energy.

"Well, actually that's not quite right.  I'm trying to sort out some situations I have been experiencing."

"Well, you've come to the right place to sort things out.  Good luck!" he said as he walked away.

The following two nights were powerful and magical, but I still didn't have a clear answer.  On the third and final night, Rama once again met me at the door.

"Well have you received an answer to your dilemma?"

He turned and walked with me inside the door.  Here, waiting for him, were some of his better students.  These were people whom I admired.  They were far cleaner than I and were fortunate enough to be a part of the "inner circle."  My ego blossomed as we approached them.  Now they would see that I had this "special connection" with Rama.

"No," I replied.  "But maybe tonight."

Rama took about four steps, placing him right in front of his students.  then he turned to face me.  He had that look in his eyes.  I felt it coming.

"You had better watch out!  You're on thin ice around here!" he said angrily.  "You make me want to throw up!  Your ego is so large that you seek approval from everyone around you!  You had better snap out of it!  This over-inflated ego of yours makes you a slave to whomever happens to be around.  You are afraid to do anything that might alienate someone or cause them to disapprove of you.  This constant need for the gratitude and approval of others forces you to bend and even submit to their wishes!  You had better straighten out this messy situation right away or else you will lose it all!  Get with it, wimp!"  He then turned and stomped away.

As he was shouting this correction he was also snapping his fingers.  With each snap, I felt jolts of energy shoot through me.  I opened my heart.  This was what I had come down for.  The answer didn't come in the way I would have thought, but there it was.  I had been exposed in front of those that I wanted to impress.  I had been exposed in front of the universe!  He had me stone cold. 

I sat down and meditated on every word and realized how correct he had been.  I knew that I had to make changes and regain control of my meditation dojo.  I was also aware that this correction was accompanied by an empowerment that would help me. 

I resolved to do what my Teacher said, not because he said it, but because I saw and realized deep within my heart that he was absolutely correct.  This correction went far beyond my expectations.  My Teacher had dealt with me impeccably and words could not say how much this meant to me.  Only my actions during the following days would show it.

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